MA mother recently broke up with her boyfriend 11 years old, a man I consider my father. Two months later, she rekindles her relationship with a childhood sweetheart she had never met until she brought him home.
At first I felt happy for her; Who does not like orgasmRomance school? But soon I got down to it You feel uncomfortable. MUm is a strong-willed woman who has always stood on equal grounds with her partners, never succumbing to the ideology that a woman should cook and clean for her husband without getting respect in return. But in the first days of her boyfriend’s coming to stay, she cooks an expensive breakfast in bed while he dozes quietly. And I began to run to the store at every request.
I understand that she’s caught up in sparking a new romance, especially given their past chemistry, but it makes me feel weird seeing her bend back to a guy she hasn’t been in contact with in 30 years.
I wouldn’t have such a problem if it were just a case of a new boyfriend; However, she is She has told me that they are already considering marriage in the near future, which leads me to believe she may be more vulnerable then letting go and moving on too quickly from her previous relationship. I understand that it may sound childish, and yes, I may be biased because I liked an ex-boyfriend – And I am well aware that my mother is a mature woman who deserves to be happy – But this situation Leaves me really anxious. So that her new boyfriend bought her a new car and I told her He will allocate funds to help her open her own business in her home country So, of course, she’s adorable!
How should I react to this situation? do i say mOr how do I feel about her relationship, or should I put on a brave face and be as happy for her as she’s always done for me?
You show incredible maturity and insight for someone still in their late teens. To answer your question, I think you should react exactly as you are: with concern and questions. It doesn’t make you wrong, it makes you thoughtful.
Of course, you should talk to your mother about how you feel. But first let’s take a more detailed look at what could happen.
I went to psychiatrist John Kavanagh at the UKCP. His first thought was that, above all else you’d very likely be grieving the ‘loss’ of your father. (And perhaps also your original father?) How was that dealt with in the family? Was it talked about or was it all a rush and feeling like an ambush? ?
Are you still able to see it? Eleven years is a long time, especially during these formative years, to let go of someone. I bet he misses you too.
There’s always a “lovable” element to a newly formed couple and being a bit exclusivity. And you were probably too young to even notice with her ex-boyfriend of 11 years ago. But Kavanagh noticed your use of the phrases “uncomfortable, weird, worried,” these are the strong feelings this guy stirred up in you. “What do your mum’s friends and other family think about what’s going on. Do you feel you can talk to them? Is your mum self-isolating and not seeing her friends?”
Nowhere is there any mention of your relationship with this man. Is it all inclusive with you? Do you feel there is potential for a relationship there? Is he nice to you?
It’s not at all uncommon to feel left out and perhaps a little strange, when a parent starts a new relationship. But if you have any warning signs like the above, you need to talk to other family members and your mom.
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It’s like you have a good relationship with her, so try to spend some time alone, maybe do something you both love and then say something like, “Mom, I have these feelings and I need some reassurance.” Sometimes parents need to label what you need. Remember to use I-first statements: “I feel as if”, “I worry about” … instead of “You make me feel like this” or “He does this and it’s annoying”.
Often people will listen more if they think you want to cooperate than to make them feel defensive. I think you need to be reassured that she’s still your mom, even if you feel like she’s not acting the same to her because of her personal behavior. I hope you get it
Each week, Annalisa Barbieri tackles a personal issue submitted by a reader. If you would like advice from Annalisa, please submit your issue to ask.annalisa@theguardian.com. Annalisa regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
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